Sensi Magazine Freelance Work

For much of this year I’ve had the privilege of being an on-going contributor to our local Sensi Magazine Emerald Triangle edition. And I have some new and interesting articles coming this holiday, and next spring!

While bridal season comes to an end at my “day job” and I prepare to take some much-deserved vacation and enjoy the holidays to follow, I find myself in the final mad-dash to the imaginary finish line. A chaotic state I seem to create for myself each fall.

As I edit more Women In Business Series interviews, put together food journal entries from my entirely raw vegan experience, and catalog fitness and digital minimalism updates, I encourage you to pick up a copy of our monthly Sensi Magazine at a local business or browse through the online version. Below you will find two of my most recent articles.

Enjoy reading about North Coast happenings, unique businesses, alternative lifestyles, and health and wellness. (I’m usually in that section.) Support the good old written word and get back to those analog activities we’ve all gotten away from – like reading something you turn the pages of.

What’s better than cozying up with a hot beverage and flipping through a magazine as we watch this beautiful summer turn into fall? Not much.

Sensi Magazine, Emerald Triangle Ed. 09, 2019
Sensi Magazine, Emerald Triangle Ed. 09, 2019

For the full issue: http://s3.amazonaws.com/document.issuu.com/190828200219-dd58178e9ef8588098d3915f5b063558/original.file?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIATDDRE5J7YOA3PRJS&Expires=1568380147&Signature=BhrxdXPv3SB3Z6mXSGwEBzeF9hc%3D

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Sensi Magazine, Emerald Triangle Ed. 07, 2019
Sensi Magazine, Emerald Triangle Ed. 07, 2019

For the full issue: http://s3.amazonaws.com/document.issuu.com/190625163031-0c089d3448a0e414acc5b74fed7efbe9/original.file?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIATDDRE5J7X2YVMP3B&Expires=1568380304&Signature=6S8%2F%2Bu30r0Y5BWEMt71NRNIkzmo%3D

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Local Business Links:

Rebel Fitness & Nutrition https://rebelfitnessandnutrition.com

Body Tuners https://bodytuners-gym.com

Fit NorCal https://www.fitnorcal.com

Chumayo Spa http://www.chumayo.com

Platinum Float Spa http://platinumstudiosalonandspa.com

Women In Business Series: Kimberly Sweet Owner The Studio by Kimberly Ann

1) Explain what your business is, and your professional background in your field.

My name is Kimberly Sweet and I am the owner/photographer of The Studio By Kimberly Ann, a women’s portrait studio in Eureka, California that specializes in boudoir photography. I have a “no Photoshop” approach to boudoir and beauty and pride myself on giving my clients an experience that allows them to see how beautiful they truly are without using editing to modify their bodies. I started doing photography as a hobby in the summer of 2013 when I was working twenty hours a week in the president’s office at College of the Redwoods. I had just gotten married and didn’t know many people in the area because most of my college friends had moved back home after graduation so I wanted something to fill my time. I spent every spare minute researching how to work a camera. I watched tutorials, read every article I could get my hands on, and practiced on salt and pepper shakers, my dog, and my house plants.

Eventually I began to photograph my friends and hoped that one day I might make some money, but at the time didn’t have any expectation that I could do photography as a full-time career.

2) Tell us a little about yourself and why you chose to pursue a full time boudoir photography career.

As time went on and my business slowly started to grow, I was scheduling a couple sessions a week after work or on weekends. By this time I was working forty hours a week at the college but I loved photography and working with people so much I would still schedule any type of session I could get my hands on. If someone wanted to pay me to photograph something I didn’t say no. After a while I started to notice that whenever I had a boudoir session on my calendar I would look forward to it more than any other session. I started to feel burn out and dread approaching if I had to photograph anything other than boudoir. I enjoyed watching women come alive in front of my camera. I loved that when they received their galleries they got to see how truly beautiful they are.

Absolutely everything about boudoir sessions lit a fire in my heart and I knew that if I was going to be spending what little spare time I had doing something it needed to be this because I was passionate about it. Toward the end of 2015 I decided that in January of 2016 I would re-brand my business exclusively as boudoir photography. At the time I thought that this would mean I would be cutting back on photography and doing just a handful of sessions a year. I was okay with this idea because my photography income at the time was supplementary and I just wanted to be doing something that I believed in. Luckily for me that was not the case and within 4 months of launching my boudoir brand I had filled my calendar for the year and had leased my own studio in old town Eureka. Half way through the year my husband and I decided that I would quit my job the following year and pursue photography full time. Shortly after that we found out that we were pregnant with our first child which solidified my decision to leave my day job. Being able to stay home with my (now) two babies a majority of the time but still be able to contribute to our family financially feels like an absolute dream. I love spending my days at the park and the zoo with my little monsters but equally enjoy my Fridays in the studio when I get to have grown-up time.

3) Boudoir photography challenges you and your clients to be vulnerable. How do you approach this challenge?

I truly believe that every single woman should have a boudoir session done at least once in her life. It is vulnerable and empowering and humbling and adventurous and intimidating and validating all at the same time. Deciding to not only invest the time and money on yourself but to say that you and your body are worthy of being photographed and permanently preserved in an heirloom album or on canvas is huge.

The experience can be completely foreign-feeling for many women, and I understand that. I completely respect and appreciate every single woman who walks through my door. I understand that what they are doing is likely out of their comfort zone and the fact that they chose to come to me for such a vulnerable experience is one of the most humbling feelings. I try my best to treat my clients like my dearest friends and make them feel comfortable during their session – each woman receives a special gift from me on their session day thanking them for coming to The Studio for their boudoir experience.

I believe in boudoir, and I believe in women. I strive to have every woman who leaves my studio realize that they are stronger, more beautiful, more courageous, and more worthy than they thought they were before they came in.

4) What is beauty to you? And how does your work environment foster that idea?

Beauty varies so much from person to person. One woman may feel like her curvy figure is her most beautiful asset while another would feel like it is her least. To me beauty is about celebrating and highlighting whatever it is that makes you feel the best about yourself. It’s about putting your insecurities aside and allowing yourself to be seen for who you are. It’s not about fitting into a specific mold. When women come into the studio I want them to feel encouraged to celebrate themselves because they are so worth celebrating. I want my clients to let go of what they think they’re supposed to look like – this is why I don’t have many mirrors in the studio. I don’t want clients looking outward; I want them looking inward. If you feel beautiful it will show. And I’ll tell you what to do with your hands.

5) What is one valuable lesson you’ve learned from spending so much time with women of all different backgrounds and life situations?

One of my biggest lessons is that everyone has insecurities. All of my clients say that they are not like the women that I post online. Most women describe themselves as awkward, not photogenic, not sexy, overweight, wrinkly, saggy, or any combination of those things. Every. Single. One. And yet they all describe the other women they see in photographs as flawless, sexy, and confident. Those same women who were in the studio for their own sessions saying equally negative things about themselves. That’s where my “Allow yourself to Feel as Beautiful as You Really Are” saying comes from. When you relax and give yourself permission to let go of all your insecurities and all the “flaws” that society projects onto you as a woman and really allow yourself to feel beautiful, it shows.

6) What is your best piece of advice for someone interested, but apprehensive to book a boudoir session?

That you are worth it and that 99% of the women who have come before you felt the exact same way. Your job is to show up and relax – let me take care of the rest.

7) What is one thing you hope your kids learn from you as a female small business owner?

Only one? If I had to pick just one thing it would be that both my son and daughter have a positive body image and help encourage those around them to have a positive body image as well. You are not your body – you have a body. Your identity does not need to be wrapped up in your physical appearance.

General Questions:

8) What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever gotten?

God First. Family Second. Career Third.

In my experience when you keep these priorities in order things always seem to fall into place the way they are meant to.

9) What has been the biggest challenge / biggest reward of owning your own business?

Both questions have the same answer. That you are your own boss. I absolutely love that I get to make my own schedule and my own rules when it comes to my business. I feel so fortunate that I get to build my business around my family and not the other way around. Owning my own business allows me to be present and involved with my young children and I would absolutely not trade that for anything.

The biggest challenge is that you are your own boss and absolutely everything is riding on you. You are the marketing department, accounting department, human resources department, customer service, janitor, and sometimes office psychologist if we’re being honest. (Or am I the only one who gives myself pep talks at work?) I often say that I wish I had taken more business classes when I was first starting out – learning everything on your own as you go can be overwhelming.

10) What is one book that changed your life? Briefly describe why.

My First Book of Prayers changed my life. It was the first book that I read to my son so many times that I memorized it. It made me so grateful that I have the opportunity to spend so much time reading and playing with my kids that I get to memorize their books.

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320 2nd Street, Eureka CA

707-592-1930

http://www.photosbykimberlyann.com/contact.html

One Year No Beer

One year ago I sat around a breakfast table with my sister, my sister in law, and seven of my closest girlfriends to toast to my bachelorette party weekend and it’s success. In the loud cafeteria at Camp No Counselors Seattle we said goodbye over mimosas and departed to locations all over the country – back to our normal lives. I had made up my mind to quit drinking at the dance party the night before. I had been quietly considering it for months, wondering if I had the will power to go through with it. Somewhere between dancing the night away to Whitney Houston and standing in line for midnight nachos while drinking soda water and lime, the decision became crystal clear and easy. Camp left much to be desired, but my memories are all perfect – bunk beds and ping pong, waterslides and the talent show. Three nights in a cabin together with accomplished dynamic women taking breaks from their busy lives and careers to eat burgers in the mess hall and do bad yoga. Most of them I’ve known a decade or more – we’d come a long way from scream-singing Tenacious D songs at college house parties over shots of watermelon rum – most of us have been through a lot since then. I don’t want to say that being together again was like “the old days,” because it wasn’t. To me, it was better.

I’ll just start by saying that fifteen years is a long time to be in a one-sided relationship with something that only takes from you. Something that encourages your self loathing, and cheers for depression to root deeply inside your heart. Something that intentionally wastes your time and energy, strains your relationships and willfully stands strong and stubborn between you and your dreams and goals. I had decided I’d simply had enough of this self-inflicted bullshit.

I’ve never been someone who accepts what is “normal” just because everyone else does it. Sometimes I walk my own stubborn path to my detriment, questioning everything along the way. Critically. But this time I had recognized that for some reason the lemming in me had a thing for booze. I had fallen into the socially-acceptable catchall for life: alcohol fixes everything. Not that I believed this to be true, but on some level almost all of us buy into that narrative, otherwise we wouldn’t regularly drink alcohol. I wouldn’t drink a glass of milk because to me it represents violence, but I’d drink a beer because someone somewhere is selling me an illusion of happiness.

During this last year as I’ve put time between myself and alcohol, I’ve realized something big. We’ve been sold the idea that more money and more things will make us happier. We’re realizing that isn’t true. Each time we reach a new standard or pillar of accomplishment, we move the marker for success onto the next. If we live this way, we never reach happiness. On the sidelines of this over simplistic, capitalist equation for happiness is alcohol, working as an easy band aid when the rest of what we’ve been promised falls short. And it will always inevitably fall short. I believe that being truly happy requires so much more effort than buying something new and washing your guilt and lack of satisfaction down with a beer at the end of a long day. But I haven’t always felt this way.

Over my bachelorette party weekend I had several epiphanies. The most influential in my decision to quit drinking had to do with the company I keep. I could count on one hand how many alcoholic drinks I had over the course of my five-day party. As I quietly contemplated my decision to quit altogether I realized that I was having just as much fun without alcohol as I have with it (if not more). And then it “clicked.” Instead of drinking to “suffer” through events I attend out of a false sense of obligation, or drinking to “tolerate” people I do not wish to be around, I should stop wasting my time and life and just stop. Stop going and stop doing out of obligation and/or guilt. Give myself the emotional permission to create more time in my life by just saying no. If I don’t want to go, or I don’t enjoy the people, I shouldn’t be there. If I feel like I “need” alcohol to “have fun” then I am clearly using it as a band aid for a bigger problem: I am wasting my life doing things that do not serve me or my real happiness and that makes me unhappy. The other epiphany I had was that when you’re around your real people, the ones that give your life joy and meaning, alcohol is not just unnecessary, it can be a detriment to really experiencing your time together. And our time here is short.

Time. That is a topic I’ve written often about, and after discovering Andy Ramage and the company he co-founded: One Year No Beer, all the benefits of not drinking that I had struggled to articulate became clear. I was rarely a binge-drinker. I considered myself to be a moderate drinker, usually enjoying a beer or two a night after work “to relax.” My husband was the first one to point out to me that I shouldn’t need alcohol to relax, and that perhaps I should spend more time contemplating why I’m so unrelaxed in the first place. I met his ideas with stubborn resistance. I’m not an alcoholic. I work hard. Why shouldn’t I be able to have a beer at the end of a long day? I still, even now do not think that I have or had an alcohol dependency. What I did have was what Ramage talks a lot about: A bad habit that drains my energy while simultaneously sabotaging my physical and mental health. A habit that I engage in without question because society encourages it and deems it “normal.” And a habit that will always keep me from reaching my true and full potential because it is a huge waste of my time. Alcoholism aside, that just sounds terrible.

The focus of One Year No Beer is on the moderate drinkers. Those of us that do not consider ourselves extreme enough cases to need serious intervention or assistance, but who would benefit greatly from being part of a community of other people who just don’t want to drink anymore. Who recognize the untapped potential in a life and mind that isn’t constantly clouded or depleted by alcohol. Those of us that recognize that being an American should consist of more than working and drinking in an attempt to find happiness. Because most of us grew up living this model and are now realizing it’s pitfalls and failures. And we want more from our lives than a cycle that supports a general feeling of malaise.

Once I made the decision to quit drinking, I began to truly recognize how deeply alcohol is ingrained in our daily lives. When was the last time you stopped drinking for long enough to enjoy the physical and mental benefits of a body free of alcohol? From the research I did, the general consensus is that it takes at least two weeks to begin to feel the physical and mental benefits. Much longer if you want to experience things like long-term career or fitness boosts. Most of us will never experience this since we begin drinking as teens and continue on some level, forever. This shocked me to think about. Would I really never let myself experience my full potential because I like beer? That felt absurd.

One thing that the OYNB movement emphasizes is that the benefits of not drinking snowball tremendously. And after a year, I can attest to that. Time seems to multiply because every late night, every hungover or tired day, and every event I did not want to attend simply vanishes and can be replaced by other more fulfilling activities. Sleep improves, energy levels improve, depression and anxiety decrease, workouts are more effective, and work is more productive. Instead of struggling through a full day at moderate productivity, I find that I can complete more meaningful work on my business and personal endeavors in less time. Making time for even more meaningful relationships, goals, and activities. My husband and I have a stronger relationship (he quit too), and I believe that our decision to omit alcohol from our marriage will help us to focus our energy on positive endeavors and leave aside all of the complications and traps alcohol brings into relationships.

But it’s difficult to get that snowball rolling. Between the social event excuses, the work event excuses, and the “wine-o-clock,” “mama needs a beer,” and “life is better day drinking” t-shirts, alcoholism has become so pervasive in our culture that to not drink makes you somewhat of a social leper. My interest specifically on the strong emphasis on moms and females self proclaiming their drinking habits as a “funny” way to cope with our lives fascinates me, but that topic is for another day. As a meme I once read so accurately put it: “Galentines Day is not a thing. You’re an alcoholic.” And as someone who would have scoffed at that comment in a past life, I see it clearly now. Alcoholism has taken on a much more female tone recently- “I’m on a juice cleanse, and by juice I mean wine.” Normalizing drinking, emphasizing it’s importance in our social lives, and excusing our “need” for alcohol is not only shocking, but indicative of a culture that is starved for meaning. So I am happy to leave it behind forever.

Popping that special bottle of champagne my best friend brought and toasting to us, the round table of strong women felt like a break up. An empowering and permanent celebration of acceptance, surrounded by my biggest supporters. I’m leaving alcohol behind and beginning my new life with a different perspective – life is short and I refuse to waste it.

Digital Minimalism Diaries Part 4: Trade My Life for What?

I’ve been “decluttering” my digital life for five weeks. My intention when I began this process was to slowly establish boundaries, efficient practices, and practical strategies to minimize my technology use and make more room for “deep work,” in-person connection, and solitude in my life. I started now so that by the time January arrives I will be more than prepared to effectively participate in an official thirty-day digital declutter as Cal Newport defines in his book Digital Minimalism. The goal: Put enough perspective between myself and the technologies that I use and think are necessary or valuable for a long enough amount of time to determine if I want to keep them in my life, or omit them altogether in the future. Cut everything extraneous out of my life, and only add back in the good, or the stuff that doesn’t make me feel terrible. It’s a Whole 30 practice for your mind.

So what is Cal Newport’s philosophy, and what are the strategies he offers up to assist us on our own technological journey? Very simply put, in his book Digital Minimalism Newport defines his theory as a belief that “less can be more” when it comes to our relationship with digital tools. It’s a “philosophy that prioritizes long-term meaning over short-term satisfaction.” Digital Minimalism shifts our focus when examining value in technological tools from one simple marker: usefulness, to a much more satisfying, albeit complex principle: autonomy. This requires a complete restructuring of how we view technology, and therefore, our relationship to it. Newport explains that “by working backward from [our] deep values to [our] technology choices, digital minimalism transforms these innovation[s] from a source of distraction into tools to support a life well lived.”

“Digital Minimalism: A philosophy of technology use in which you focus your online time on a small number of carefully selected and optimized activities that strongly support things you value, and then happily miss out on everything else.”

Newport breaks this concept down into “Three Principles.” Principle number one: “Clutter is Costly” examines the role that technology has in cluttering our time and attention ultimately creating an overall negative cost that overshadows the small individual benefits that each bit of technology may offer in isolation. Principle number two: “Optimization is Important” is the idea that once a digital minimalist decides that a certain technology does indeed give them real value, the way that they use that technology in order to optimize it is equally as important to determine. Principle number three: “Intentionality is Satisfying” is the concept that because minimalists are establishing autonomy over their digital choices, this practice becomes meaningful within itself.

I don’t want to get too caught up in the details outlined in the book, because I suggest you read it yourself. The entire thing is full of epiphanies and useful strategies. So I will share with you my favorite philosophies and practices, then give you a short update on how this process is working for me.

The most important idea that I pulled out of Digital Minimalism is the (not new) concept of Henry David Thoreau’s New Economics. In his book Walden, which was published in the year 1854, Thoreau essentially shifts the units that measure value from money to time. “The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run.” I certainly feel that once you begin examining your habits in these terms, you become painfully aware that you are literally paying for each minute of whatever technology you’re using with your life. 

I also found Newport’s strategy for determining whether or not to re-introduce a technology back into my life after the declutter useful. He offers up a set of simple criteria: “Does this technology directly support something that I deeply value? Is this technology the best way to support this value? How am I going to use the technology going forward to maximize its value and minimize its harms?” A simple set of questions that requires a massive amount of introspection.

I also appreciate Newport’s emphasis on the importance of having a plan for your time in order to facilitate a lifestyle change. This process should not be considered a “detox” that you suffer through, then afterward simply go back to the same lifestyle and habits as before. It’s not a crash diet. During this time of “decluttering” we should be taking the time to remember what we enjoyed before we were tethered to our phones and computers, or for those born after 1995, to figure out what those activities are in the first place. Newport makes many useful suggestions, including: Spend time alone to facilitate solitude, deep work and introspection, reclaim conversation by spending real time with others instead of “clicking like” as a shallow substitution, and reclaim leisure time by finding activities that give you joy, or meaning and value. I found that last idea to be particularly useful because Newport calls for a shift from leisure activities that are merely considered “passive consumption” to activities that “prioritize demanding activity, use skills to produce valuable things in the physical world” and “require real-world structured social interactions.” In summation: activities that give us meaning, and produce real value for ourselves and those close to us.

He then goes on to give real-world examples and suggestions of how to do this. Join a club, a gym, or a group of some sort. Schedule phone calls with loved ones. Remove apps from your phone so that you use it only as a phone. Schedule specific leisure activities. Fill your life with planned and meaningful things so that at the end of your declutter your perspective on what is important enough to trade your life for has likely changed.

I have been slowly implementing more and more of these strategies to assist me in the process of minimizing my technology use for good. I have been journaling all of my screen time, removed all unnecessary apps from my phone, and placed the existing apps into a few specified categories so that I have a clear idea of where my time is going. I have “productivity” which includes my to-do list app, my schedule, my blog, notes, fitness apps, music and podcasts. A folder for work, finance, photography, utilities, and then social media and entertainment. I chose to put music and podcasts into productivity instead of one of the other categories because I’ve determined that they give me significant positive value, whereas social media, netflix, and the Lululemon app do not, but on a scheduled occasion are okay in moderation.

The result of tracking my use for five weeks: I’ve gone from around seven hours a week of social media use to around two without actively limiting myself, or implementing an actual schedule yet. These are just the changes I’ve made naturally after exposing myself to my habits, and realizing that there are better ways to spend my time. Honestly, I expected stepping away from social media to be a struggle, but the opposite literally just happened on it’s own. Instead of focusing on what I’m not doing, I’m putting all my energy into what I am doing: spending scheduled time with friends and family, hosting a book club, exercising, reading more, going on walks, journaling my ideas. With all these fulfilling leisure activities in my life, I honestly don’t miss spending time on “shallow” activities at all. And the anxiety and pressure social media created in my life is diminishing as I begin to recognize that most of social media’s perceived value is literally not real. 

The boundaries I’ve established with my clients (auto text response, less accessibility, quick responses on social media) have all helped to put me at ease because my clients have a very clear understanding of my availability, and know they will be taken care of in a prompt manner. This takes much of the pressure off of me to constantly email or text for work, and I think the majority of my clientele understands and respects these boundaries. 

And I feel free to be. I put my Apple Watch on, and head out the door. No phone, watch set permanently to silent and do not disturb, mirror my phone feature is permanently off. Available for music, podcasts, tracking workouts, and getting ahold of me in emergencies only. The amount of mental space this frees up for me is enormous. The things you notice being out in the world without your phone for entire days is amazing. Knowing that if something happens to me I can still call my husband or hear from him helps curb the little bit of anxiety I used to have about leaving my phone at home. If it’s that important, call me. If you’re not on my favorites list, it can wait.

“Draining The Shallows” Digital Minimalism Diaries Part 3

What does “Deep Work” Mean to Me?

My whole life I’ve been naturally drawn to produce what Cal Newport describes as “Deep Work.” I picture myself as a ten year old writing stories in one of the many outdoor “forts” my sister and I would build. Sometimes I’d spend what felt like hours alone, riding my bike down our long dirt road to sit on the “big rock” and write down my thoughts and observations – a backpack full of books in tow, and a heavy imagination to compliment the scenery. Nature and quiet time were easy to find, but so were the other kids on my street, who, when I was ready to socialize seemed to always be available.

We grew up in a town where solitude was plentiful – I refer to solitude in the way that Newport does, as being alone with your thoughts, but not necessarily alone physically. Think: In the grocery store check out line without your phone. Not alone, but alone in your head – solitude. My home town is excessively rural, secluded, and a few years behind whatever technology or trends are happening on the outside. Thinking of the hundreds of days I spent riding my mountain bike up over the hills to spend hours with friends makes my heart fill with gratitude. Idle time was seen by many of our parents as time for trouble, but we rarely found any. What we did find was a childhood and adolescence spent “hanging out” with each other before the internet meant much, and long before cell phones were common, let alone in any of our own hands. 

Sitting alongside the Kern River watching tourists go by on river rafts, walking circles around the high school football field talking, getting to know my future best friend, cleaning the hotel pool area in the early morning at my high school job. Thinking about being outside in the warm summer air, just me, the smell of chlorine, and the sound of the birds at 7am sometimes leads me to think that maybe we have gotten so far away from analog behaviors, solitude, and personal connection that we are suffering – mentally and physically. But how do we go back to that feeling – the one that we seem to find whenever our minds are left to fend for themselves?

Deep Work: Professional activities performed in a state of distraction-free concentration that push your cognitive abilities to their limit. These efforts create new value, improve your skill, and are hard to replicate. 

My intention is not to emphasize an unrealistically ideal society pre-modern technology and to suffocate you with nostalgic tales from my childhood. What I do mean to do is evoke that sense of calm in you that I believe comes from the fulfillment and mental rewards we reap from the combination of experiencing a balance and abundance of solitude and personal one-on-one connections with other people.

I find myself researching Digital Minimalism, efficiency and effectiveness in my business and personal life, and my own cognitive potential, realizing that not only are those topics interconnected on many levels, but in my opinion, crucially dependent on one another for their success. As a society we’ve strayed away from meaningful connections and failed to give ourselves and others the permission to spend significant time on work that captures our undivided attention. The result: Our lives are spent toiling away on work that does not fulfill us, and on media platforms that do not produce the amount of value they’ve promised for the time we’re haphazardly giving away. If Instagram was charging you per minute to use their service, how much would it be worth to you? As it turns out, “liking” your friend’s post does cost us something huge: time. The only resource we cannot replenish. When it comes to our time, we should be counting our pennies, but instead we all spend like we have millions in the bank.

Personally, I enjoy and find fulfillment in one-on-one time spend with other people, and time spent alone, producing what I consider to be my “deep work” which usually has something to do with writing. The problem that I’ve encountered, and that has become glaringly obvious to me recently, is that I’ve positioned myself in a career where my personal connections are bountiful and meaningful, I’ve etched out time in my schedule to produce high-quality work, and I’m maintaining a blog and four social media accounts. And it’s too much. I did not replace personal connection with online or shallow connections, I merely added them all in, on top of the heavy client load and the real brick-and-mortar business location I currently run. Shocking fact: I have only had a personal Instagram account for three years. What value is it really producing? Not much.

For those of you unfamiliar with the day-to-day operations of a full time esthetician, my schedule looks like this: From around 8am to 7pm three days a week I book back to back clients during all of these hours for a minimum of thirty minutes and a maximum of three hour long appointments. During this time I will render any combination of skincare and makeup services, typically in a private room behind closed doors, in a quiet and relaxing atmosphere. This means that on any given client work day I will have an average of around ten one-on-one conversations. Many of my clients are friends, almost every single one has been coming to see me for several years. So we know each other and our talks are meaningful and rarely surface level. For roughly 33 hours per week I am in an intense state of concentration and attentiveness. I am producing quality work which requires practice and skill, providing a quality environment that requires thought, intention, and execution, and I am cultivating meaningful personal connections and conversation, which requires my full and undivided attention.

In addition to these client hours, I have event hours which typically include several weddings a month where my ability to concentrate and produce quality work in intensely distracting and high-stress environments is vital. And lastly, office hours which I’ve widdled down to two efficient hours per week doing paperwork and making phone calls – another task that requires my undivided attention to complete, lest I digress to completing these tasks haphazardly throughout my week, distracting me from client work.

I believe that I have cultivated the ability to work deeply and to socialize deeply because my career depends on it. And at this point in our history those skills are becoming increasingly more rare, and therefore, more valuable. The problem: I concentrate deeply for roughly 40-45 hours per week in a very social environment and then go home and try to socialize online, or text/email/call back any clients who are trying to contact myself or my business. My energy is so depleted by that point that I have basically none remaining for myself, my husband, or my personal relationships outside of work and social media. Perhaps I am not becoming more anti social, but rather, more intolerant of allowing my time to be monopolized by anything that produces shallow or ambiguous value.

I built the majority of my client base before I used social media much at all, and many of the most successful business people I know rarely use it. If they do, it is with intention to produce a specific value. The haphazard use of social media networking tools to produce a very abstract value is not serving me, or my business in real life. What does serve me and my clients is a thoughtful, professional environment, quality services and deep connections. In order for me to produce these things, I need solitude, and in order for me to feel content and happy I need to be “immersed in something challenging.” 

As Newport would say, it is time to “drain the shallows” to fill what room is left in my bucket with deep work.

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Luxe Headshots by The Studio by Kimberly Ann

http://www.photosbykimberlyann.com/contact.html

Self Care Won’t Save Your Mental Health

This blog post was supposed to be about float pods and their mental and physical health benefits. Which are real, and I have personally found to be quite amazing. Consequently, I found myself reflecting on all the “self-care” we do in an attempt to be happy, or to curb anxiety and stress. To distract ourselves from our daily lives, to escape. It’s not that I disagree with the idea of what has now been popularized across social media platforms as “self care.” I think treating yourself to spa days, bubble baths, and Netflix binges on occasion can be a good thing. I think the problem is that we’re treating symptoms and not causes. We’re oversimplifying mental health and putting a pretty band-aid on a much bigger problem: Why do we need to escape in the first place? Incorporating relaxation and taking time for yourself is one small piece of maintaining a mentally healthy lifestyle, but lying in a float pod is not going to treat my depression.

When it comes to becoming the most physically healthy version of myself, I feel like I have the puzzle pieces identified. I may not always put them together correctly, or at all, but I’m at least aware of their existence. The method in which I need to put them together to create something that’s organized, beautiful, and that makes sense is a formula that I understand. Consistency. I try to eat mostly whole plant foods, I no longer eat refined sugar, I don’t drink alcohol or use drugs, and I work out six days a week, mixing pilates, yoga, lifting, running, and leisure activities. I sleep at least seven hours a night. I’ve been on a three-year-long mission to become healthy. And although I do recognize my body as a lifelong work in progress, at least I’m not confused about how to maintain my lifestyle. Eat whole plant foods, sleep, exercise, and stretch. If I don’t take the time to do these things, I do not feel my best. For me, staying active with intention is the key – filling my life with fulfilling activities gives me purpose, creates goals, and gives me confidence that my future with my husband will be long and meaningful.

Mental health is not the same. Lately I’ve been feeling like all the puzzle pieces in my head are jumbled – thrown together on a garage sale table or tossed into a thrift store bin. The kind where kids have taken key pieces out, swapped them, crinkled them into balls, or mixed them up to the point where they’re unrecognizable. The Thomas Kinkade missing key elements. The castle without the flag. Do we just piece together what we can and ignore the holes and scratches? Do we try to jam things into spaces where they don’t belong? What if I don’t even know what goes there? The startling realization that the answer to all of these hypothetical questions is literally: “I don’t know” is confusing and overwhelming. Typing the word overwhelming seems silly because sometimes it feels more like the end of the world, and less like a task that can be overcome with enough hard work.

If you were to ask me if I’m doing okay, my answer may likely be no, even though I’m very happy with my life. I have no idea where to go from there.

In a nutshell: Being overweight and developing type two diabetes is common on both sides of my family. So I eat healthy and exercise. Simple enough. But alcoholism, addiction, and mental health disorders also appear frequently and on both sides of my family. I stopped drinking and put systems in place to support organization, a meaningful schedule, work I enjoy, and healthy habits, but simply put, I struggle constantly with depression anyway. As I lay on the massage table and drift away (every other week), or as I’m getting my nails done (every other Tuesday), my hair done (every six weeks), or a facial or pedicure (about every month) I am painfully aware of the fact that we are fragile, and one day I could wake up changed for the worse. Unable to recognize it or go back. I could already be there. And from there the anxiety begins and grows into a depression that takes over my mind.

What pulls me out of that cycle is my real life, that is wonderful and meaningful. My husband, friends and family, my hobbies, my writing, my work – the life I have constructed intentionally and make the effort to maintain daily drowns out the fear until I forget it for a brief moment. And in that moment I feel like I can rise above the cloud, and get just enough air to fill my lungs. And then I struggle to hold my breath until the next time I can come up.

I tend to focus on physical health because even though it can sometimes be hard, it’s mostly easy and I can control much of the outcome. And it does help my mental state to a degree. The stress and anxiety has become slightly more manageable because every minute of my life is planned, scheduled, calculated, weighed for importance, and placed in categories. Lifting weights doesn’t hurt. It’s more difficult to lose your marbles amongst an extraordinarily predictable and intentional life, or so I tell myself. 

But after three years in the fog, and another three years hovering slightly above it, I am confused and exhausted trying to fix myself. Because I love my life and yet I still struggle, almost daily, to keep myself above the cloud. So I thought I’d write to contextualize my current choices, and to explain my reality. Digital minimalism is just one concept helping me unpack my mental baggage. I’m actively beginning my mental health journey, and I am thankful that I have a strong foundation of healthy habits to build from. 

Currently I’m experimenting with everything from CBD to meditation, and have been actively learning about how to heal myself without pharmaceuticals. I start therapy on Wednesday morning at 9am. (About six years too late.) The receptionist explained that since I am a new patient, my therapist would like us to note some reasons for my appointment, and I said: “How long do you have? I bet everyone makes that joke.”

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Luxe Headshots by The Studio by Kimberly Ann

http://www.photosbykimberlyann.com/contact.html

Women In Business Series:  Kelly Lende Owner Pawsitive Experience

1) Explain what your business and professional background is.

My name is Kelly Lende and I own Pawsitive Experience – a full service professional dog grooming salon in Eureka, California. I have been grooming since 2012 when I completed a month-long intensive training and then an additional 100 grooms to receive my Professional Pet Stylist Certification. After working in different types of grooming salons for a few years I rented a booth and started to build up private clientele. I took everything I learned and turned it into my ideal groom shop for pet safety and comfort, opening Pawsitive Experience in January of 2017.

2) Tell us about your personal background/growing up around animals. Do you have any Pets now?

When I was born my family lived on a small ranch where I grew up with the sweetest yellow lab, Maggie, and an appaloosa quarter horse named Clipper. They were the best. My sister and I would dress Maggie up in different outfits, and I remember sneaking down to the field where, with the tap of a rock against a metal fence panel, Clipper would let us climb onto her back with no saddle or even a halter, and she would walk us around the five-acre field. I was in love, and it didn’t take me long to realize that I wanted to work with animals – I remember wanting to become a veterinarian.

Over the years I’ve owned bunnies, sheep, birds, dogs, cats, horses, rats, hamsters, fish, and even a steer. Each one held a special place in my heart, but there has always been something about dogs that I love the most! My husband and I now own the sweetest little terrier mix, Scruffy, and my beautiful blue standard poodle, Lincoln. We like to do everything with our fur babies, from camping and hiking to trips to our favorite vacation rental in Carmel, CA. My life wouldn’t feel complete without them!

3) What led you to a full-time career working with animals?

Shortly after I graduated from Cuesta College in San Luis Obispo I decided to become a registered veterinarian technician like my older sister. I was so jealous of her mentally stimulating career which allowed her to work with animals, so I moved to attend Yuba College and before I had even packed up my apartment I applied and was offered a job at Petsmart as a bather in the groom shop. I never really liked the job. It was so fast paced that I didn’t even remember most of the names of the dogs I bathed, but I was in college and it was paying the bills. After just a few months they asked if I would like to attend academy to become a groomer. At the time, good pay and full-time flexible employment was my priority, so I agreed. I headed off to Sacramento for a month-long training and I fell in love with it. I spent more time with every dog and I got to connect with them as well as use my artistic talent. I quickly began to excel and when I got back to my store, I built up regular clients quickly.

After a few months the semester was ending and it was time to apply and start the two-year vet tech program when I realized, I wanted to do this job forever. I was working with animals, getting to be creative and artistic, and doing something that made me smile every day. 

4) Do you think that your business has allowed you to understand and connect with animals better?

I do. I can usually immediately tell how an animal is feeling when they come in, and am aware of their emotional changes during the grooming process. For instance, I may be told a dog is aggressive but realize they’re actually just scared. I feel like I am very in-tune with small signals and behaviors, and I can tell that the animals are also in tune with mine. If I am stressed or upset they know that, therefore, being aware and in control of my own emotions is also a key part of my job. My business is successful if my dogs are safe and feel as comfortable as possible while in my care. Making money is nice, but the emotional and physical well being of my clients is my number one priority.

5) What is one valuable lesson animals have taught you about yourself?

My work with animals has showed me the importance of patience and compassion. Grooming is something that can frighten many dogs, but with unending patience and compassion for their sweet little souls I can help ease them through every process. Dogs are so innocent. Ninety-nine percent of the time the seemingly naughty dogs are just scared and need to build more trust with me. I love having the patience to slow down and understand what they are really going through. 

6) What is one valuable lesson animals have taught you about themselves?

Animals have shown me the happiness and unconditional love that comes from living in the moment. I think that is why we all love animals. They never hold a grudge. They never accuse, blame, or expect anything from us, and are filled with joy at the smallest act of kindness. If you pay attention, they can show you how to love, and how to live if you want a happy life.

7) What is one valuable lesson animals have taught you about other people/the world as a whole?

When I first started my grooming career I thought it would be perfect for me because I got to work with dogs and not with people. I thought people were the source of every problem in this world, and I would be happier avoiding them, but in fact it showed me the opposite. In a sense I learned to see people through the eyes of their dogs, who can look past all our quirks and just appreciate us. I found that there are so many more people out there who treat their dogs as a part of the family and couldn’t imagine a life without the love and laughter they bring. Dogs have taught me there is something good and kind inside every person. 

General Questions:

8) What is the best piece of advice you’ve ever gotten?

I’d have to say when my husband told me I was capable of opening my own business. I’ve never had self-confidence, and opening up your own business, no matter how small, is scary. Without his belief in me I probably wouldn’t have my cute little shop, or the opportunity to bring a little happiness to our furry, four-legged friends. 

Additionally, I grew up watching my dad run his tire shop, Mulkey and Kovacovich, which helped instill in me a strong work ethic straight from childhood. Even though he closed the business when I was still a preteen I remember thinking that I wanted to run it when I grew up. Throughout my life I learned, as many of us do, that I had to work hard to succeed. I learned the value of integrity and the importance of clocking countless behind-the-scenes hours. These lessons have helped me so much along my professional journey.

9) What has been the biggest challenge/biggest reward from owning your own business?

All of it is a challenge! Owning my own business has been so much harder than I thought it would be. When you become your own boss, suddenly the work day doesn’t stop at 5pm, but instead continues around the clock. Finding the balance between giving it my all at work and keeping my sanity is something I’m still in the process of perfecting. I now make sure to silence my phone after work, take time for myself and my health, and take good vacations every now and then. 

The greatest reward has been to create the exact type of business I’ve always wanted and watch it succeed. I worked in several places before opening my own shop, learned from all of my experiences, and then dreamed up the ideal grooming scenario. Watching it come to life has been amazing.

10) What is one book that changed your life? Briefly describe why.

If I only get to pick one book, it has to be Loving What Is, by Bryon Katie. This book taught me how to find my own truth and to stop believing everyone else’s. I learned to recognize and notice the thoughts in my own head and then how to question if they are actually true for me. It taught me to how to have a relationship of love and honesty with myself, and therefore with every person I meet. I am still working on this process every chance I get, and for me it has been completely life-changing.

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4044 Broadway Street, Eureka CA

707-497-8279

https://m.facebook.com/pawsitivepetstyling/